Writing is hard sometimes. Once I get the ball rolling, it gets easier, but starting out has always been difficult for me. For example, I just spent around 5 minutes looking at this blank screen trying to think about what I can write. But forcing a thoughtful, eloquent blog post about my inner psyche isn't something that comes about easily, and really, it shouldn't. Since I'm a noob blogger and pretty much lost all of the time I'm just going to ramble on about what my month's been like! Yay, cop-outs!
School has been difficult lately. Although me being a master procrastinator might be part of the problem, in reality I struggle even when I manage to get things done on time. I've just finished my first year of college, and although I'm sure this has been said time and time again, it's nothing like what I expected university to be like. I did a semester at a small community college back in 2011, but I had to quit because I was moving around a lot and had to devote my time to work, so I never really got a taste of what college life is like until around this time last year. I guess I assumed it was going to be all dorm parties, late night Taco Bell runs, and meeting all kinds of new people and working internships in my field.
In reality, it is late-night Taco Bell runs, but that's really the extent of it. At least, for me it is. It's more so working late, rushing to finish papers and sitting in class exhausted from insomnia kicking my ass the night before. It's struggling to wake up in the morning sometimes because of my depression and anxiety, and it's questioning my choice of a major. It's being unmotivated at best and scared shitless for my future at worst. A goal that I have for my second year of university is to try to branch out more, and not be that girl who just goes to class and leaves immediately after. Because that is pretty lame.
Having an untreated anxiety disorder makes easy, everyday tasks seem nearly impossible. While I'm very fortunate in that my anxiety isn't crippling and allows me to at least go to class and work in groups, it makes the thought of "getting involved" and looking for internships/work in my field seemingly impossible. And while I do have my handful of friends that I hang out with, it's hard to just strike up a conversation with someone I've never met before, so I feel awkward and lonely on a campus with over 40,000 students. I feel like I'm less confident now than I was when I was a teenager. I'm 22, shouldn't I have overcome this feeling by now?! I guess I've just been terrified of wasting my college years by not networking at all.
Me attempting university life.
Luckily for me, I'll be going back on meds for my anxiety and depression in September. Although the side effects are a force to be reckoned with (mood swings, weight gain, nausea, and other icky things), I don't think I can be without them right now. Your early 20s either make you or break you, and I cannot afford to lay in my bed for three days straight eating gummy worms and hoping that I wake up as an established adult already. When this semester ended yesterday, I jumped for joy.
Anyway.
Now that my void of existential dread has passed, on to happier things!
Another fun thing that's been happening is that I'm trying to make a change and be healthier, as in trying to eat better and exercise more. I already try to eat as healthy as possible, such as choosing vegan/vegetarian meals whenever possible (I do eat meat, though I try to limit the amount for health reasons) and walking/jogging more. Exercising has always been a huge challenge for me, because I absolutely loathe doing it. Especially in the Miami heat. I'm extremely heat sensitive and faint easily, so I either have to go at 5am or 8pm, when the sun is down. I try to get myself psyched up by buying cute workout clothes or by making interesting, healthy meals with recipes I find online to get in the right mindset, but it just never works. The only thing that's going to get me to stick to a workout routine is sheer determination, and we all know that that isn't easy... but I'm working on it. If anyone has any good tips to making a workout routine more fun, let me know! I'm thinking of joining a cheap gym, maybe that will help motivate me?
TV Shows I've Been Obsessed With:
Lately, I've been obsessively watching Steven Universe. Like, ordering a pizza and binge watching 18 episodes at a time obsessive (in my defense, the episodes are only 11 minutes long, I swear!). It is seriously such a cute show, and I think it's so ground-breaking and refreshing for a kid's cartoon! It's a show about the Crystal Gems, magical beings who are guardians of the universe, and their adventures with Steven, a half-gem, half-human boy. I love that there's equal representation for all ethnicities, body shapes, and sexualities, and there are some kick-ass, strong female characters. I think everyone should check it out, the feels are real in this show.
Psycho Pass is an anime that I started up so long ago, yet never finished for unknown reasons. I just stopped one day, and when I picked it back up, I questioned why I stopped watching in the first place! In takes place in a future world where human's state of mind and the tendency of their personalities can be quantified, and their actions and inclinations are recorded by the Sibil System, a hive mind that controls the law enforcement in Japan, and used to judge their souls, and whether they are inherently good or evil. I won't give say too much so that I don't spoil it, but it's seriously such a good psychological thriller, and while it isn't super well-known, it has a serious cult following and I can see why.
Books I've Been Reading:
A Game of Thrones: While I haven't hopped on the Game of Thrones TV show bandwagon, I have been reading the books, and they are so good! I haven't seen the show, but I can't imagine the show being any better than the books. I've heard mixed opinions about the show though, so I haven't been in a huge rush to watch it, but I will once I finish all 5 GoT books.
Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking: This is a book about introverts, the rise of the Extrovert Ideal in society, and the value of silence and solitude. At least on-third of all people are introverts, so being introverted isn't something that's rare or weird. This was a cool book to read being an introvert myself, but I think everyone could appreciate this book and what it has to say about the differences in the introvert and extrovert perspective.
The Boy with the Cuckoo-Clock Heart: This book is so creepy-cute, and I'm so glad I was introduced to it by a friend. Even though that friend actually hated the movie and mocked me for liking it. The book takes place in France in the year 1874, where a young boy (Jack) is born with a heart frozen in ice. His mother abandons him to a witch doctor, who saves Jack by taking out his heart and replacing it with a cuckoo clock. He is warned that his heart is fragile, and that he must never fall in love, but by age 10 he falls head over heels for a circus performer and takes a journey across the country to find her again and win her heart. It's like a cheesy Disney movie, but with Tim Burton influences. The film is also cute but with a gothic, creepy feel, and I highly recommend it if you like animated films!
BBW Haul!
I recently came across an insanely good deal for discontinued products from Bath & Body Works! Each item was $2-5, and shipping was free! Here's what I got:
Brown Sugar & Fig Body Wash ($3.50)
Black Amethyst Body Wash ($3.50)
Hawaii Passionfruit Kiss Body Wash ($3.50)
Pear Blosson Air Body Wash ($2.50)
Iced Tangerine Mojito Glycerin Bar Soap ($5)
Pink Hibiscus & Pomegranate Glycerin Bar Soap ($5)
The glycerin soaps smell amazing. I'd hated bar soaps for as long as I can remember, but lately I've been more interested in natural, artisan bar soaps, so I though hey, I might as well try these out as well! I don't think that they're doing this particular sale anymore, but they do have some select items that are 50% off right now, so go check it out!
So that's about it I guess! I was thinking of doing one of those "100 facts about me" tags, but then I realized how 2008 Myspace that is, and decided against it. But maybe I will do it. Who knows. I like to live on the edge.
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